Most parents know the feeling of sensing that something at school is not quite right. Maybe your child comes home unsettled, emotional or unusually quiet. Perhaps mornings have become harder, or homework has turned into a battle. Teachers may report that things are “fine”, yet what you see at home tells a different story.
Approaching a teacher can be a sensitive matter. You want to help your child, but on the other hand, you also want to be on good terms with your school. Most parents fear coming off as overprotective or pushy, even in situations when they know something really needs attention.
If this sounds familiar, you are most definitely not alone. Talking with teachers about concerns is a common and important part of supporting a child’s wellbeing. With a bit of structure and clarity, these conversations can become collaborative rather than stressful.
Start with the concept of shared care
One helpful mindset in approaching the conversation is to view it as two adults working together around the same child. You see things at home that teachers may not see at school, and teachers see things at school that you cannot see at home. Both perspectives have value.
A smooth, respectful opener could be:
“I wanted to check in with you because I’ve noticed a few things at home, and I’m hoping we can think together about how to support my child.”
This sets the tone for collaboration rather than confrontation.
Share concrete observations, not assumptions
Teachers do best with specific, clear information. Rather than leading with an interpretation (“He is anxious at school”), it helps to offer what you are noticing:
Changes in mood after school
Difficulty getting ready in the morning
Increased meltdowns or withdrawal
Avoiding homework or discussing the day’s events at school
Telling you that some parts of the day feel hard
This allows the teacher to look for patterns, triggers, or moments that align with your child’s experience.
A polite way of putting it is:
“At home, I’m noticing he is very flat after school and finds it hard to talk about the day. I’m wondering whether you’ve observed anything that might help us understand what’s going on.”
Invite the teacher’s perspective
Teachers often appreciate being asked what they see. It gives them space to share observations without feeling criticised.
Try:
“I’d love to hear what you’ve been noticing during the day. Are there particular times, subjects or transitions that seem harder for him?”
This opens up shared understanding instead of defensiveness.
Stay curious rather than certain
Instead of drawing a conclusion, come to this conversation with curiosity:
“I wonder if the noise level might be overwhelming.”
“I am curious if transitions are challenging for her.”
“I’m not sure if there’s something happening socially.”
“It seems he is holding a lot in during the day.”
Curiosity invites collaboration. Certainty can shut it down.
Explore practical supports together
Once you and the teacher have a shared picture, you can think more concretely about support.
Some possibilities include:
Predictable routines or visual supports
A quiet space or short break when needed
Adjustments in seating or group work
Reducing transitions where possible
Extra check-ins during challenging parts of the day
You can rephrase this as:
“If we were to try one or two small adjustments, what do you think might help?”
This keeps the tone in a gentle and problem-solving mode.
Use simple, respectful scripts
Parents often tell us they appreciate specific wording in moments that feel sensitive. Here are a few that tend to work well:
Opening the conversation:
“I wanted to touch base because I have been noticing some changes at home lately, and I am hoping we can understand what may be happening together.”
Observation sharing:
“These are the patterns I have been seeing at home. I’m curious about what you’re seeing on your side.”
Exploring support:
“Would it be possible to try a small adjustment for a couple of weeks to see if it helps?”
Closing the conversation:
“Thank you for taking the time to talk this through. I really appreciate working together on this.”
Scripts help hold the emotional tone steady, especially in conversations where parents might feel vulnerable.
Follow up gently
Once you have agreed on a plan, it is useful to check in after a little while. This can be as simple as:
“Just checking in to see how things have been going on your side. Here’s what I’m noticing at home.”
Small, consistent communication builds trust over time.
A final thought
Talking to a teacher about something that isn’t working can feel emotionally loaded, especially when you are advocating for your child’s needs. Most teachers want to help. Approaching the conversation with curiosity, clarity and steadiness allows you and the school to work together in a way that supports your child’s wellbeing.
If you would like support in understanding what might be happening for your child or preparing for conversations with your child’s school, we are here to help.
Enquire now to speak with one of our psychologists.
