Most parents have been in a situation where their child is suddenly overwhelmed, tearful, angry or inconsolable. Even simple requests can become impossible. You may want to stay calm and supportive, yet in the moment it can be hard to know what will help and what might escalate things further.
Big emotions can feel intense for everyone involved. If you have ever found yourself thinking “Nothing I say is working” or “I’m not sure what to do right now”, you are not alone. Supporting children through emotional overwhelm is one of the most common concerns parents raise.
The good news is that you do not need the perfect response. You only need a steady, grounded presence that helps your child’s nervous system find its way back to safety.
Start by understanding what is happening underneath
When children show big emotions, they are usually not being dramatic, difficult or intentional. Their system has moved into a state where the thinking parts of the brain are less available. What you see on the outside is often the result of:
- Sensory overload
- Feeling overwhelmed or unsure
- Emotional fatigue
- Frustration building up throughout the day
- A need for connection or comfort
- A need for space and time to recalibrate
Children often cannot explain what is happening while it is happening. Their behaviour is the communication.
Your calm helps their calm
You may already have noticed that when your child is overwhelmed, logic or reassurance often does not help in the moment. This is because their nervous system is not yet in a state where they can process language or problem-solve.
What usually helps most is your steady presence. Not perfect words. Not a quick fix. Just you being calm enough that their system can settle alongside yours.
You are not trying to stop the emotion. You are helping your child feel safe in the emotion.
Responding without making things bigger
Parents often worry that validating feelings will make the emotion stronger. In reality, validation reduces the intensity. It tells the child, “I see you, and you are not alone.”
Some phrases that tend to work well are:
- “I can see this is really hard right now.”
- “I’m here with you.”
- “Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”
- “You are safe. We can get through this together.”
Give space or closeness depending on what your child needs
Children regulate differently, and you may already know what helps your child most. Some will come close to you and want physical proximity. Others need space, quiet or to be alone for a little while before they can reconnect.
You can offer choices without pressure:
- “Do you want me close, or would you like some space?”
- “Would you like to sit next to me, or do you want to be on your own for a moment?”
Co-regulation: guiding them back to calm
Once your child begins to settle, simple regulating activities can help their body return to baseline. You might try:
- Sitting together quietly
- Gentle movement, a walk, or bouncing on a trampoline
- Drawing, Lego, or a familiar calming activity
- Deep breathing if they are ready
- A warm drink or snack
Talk later, not during
When children are dysregulated, they are not able to think, reflect or learn. Trying to teach coping skills in the middle of an emotional storm usually creates more distress.
Talking after the emotion has passed is more effective:
- “That felt big earlier. Do you want to tell me what made it hard?”
- “What helped you feel calm again?”
- “Is there anything you need me to know for next time?”
A few scripts parents often find useful
If your child is overwhelmed:
“I’m here. Take the time you need.”
If they are angry at you:
“You don’t have to be calm yet. I’m staying right here.”
If they push you away:
“I’ll give you some space. I’m just over here when you are ready.”
If they feel embarrassed afterwards:
“Big feelings happen to all of us. We can figure things out together.”
A final thought
Big emotions are not a sign that something is wrong with your child or your parenting. They are a normal part of development. Children learn how to regulate by borrowing the calm of the adults around them. When you respond with steadiness rather than urgency, you help your child feel safe, understood and confident in their developing emotional world.
If you would like support in understanding your child’s emotional needs or in learning more about co-regulation strategies, we are here to help.
Enquire now to speak with one of our psychologists.
